The Definition of the word Adjustment is as follows:
- the process of adapting or becoming used to a new situation.
The definition of the word Acceptance is as follows:
- willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation.
The reason I started this post with the definitions of the words in the subject title is that I wanted to make it clear that these two words are different, even though sometimes we confuse them.
A few weeks ago my husband and I were talking about something, I cannot remember specifics, I only remember that at some point during our conversation I got upset. Very upset and extremely emotional. After I was calm enough to think clearly it occurred to me that my condition, not our conversation, had been the cause of my outburst.
Over the course of the last 11 months I had adjusted very well to my condition. I still have flare ups but then I will for the rest of my life, yet I am able to understand them better and be more prepared for when they do occur.
That being said it was not until that moment a few weeks ago that I realized that in all my planning and ways to deal with my condition I had not yet accepted it. I was caught up in the idea that adjustment and acceptance were the same thing.
They are not.
I realized that our conversation touched lightly on the fact that due to the nature of my condition and how much pain I can be, it limits my ability to do some tasks that would have been ridiculously easy in the past and quite honestly I was not prepared for the way I reacted.
Having it pointed out to me that my condition forced limits on me, that everyone else could see, was like someone rammed a giant wrecking ball through the side of our house.
I had adjusted and tried to make my condition as hidden as possible while I dealt with it, yet it was still clear to those around me and due to my so-so attitude about it, I could not handle the information I was presented with.
I had not yet accepted that my condition will never change. That I never will be back to the person I was before. That never again will I be able to look at food or drink without having that annoying thought that pain would come if it simply touched my lips. I had not accepted that for the rest of my life my condition is a part of me.
I had to understand that accepting my condition does not mean in anyway that I surrender to it. It does not mean that I allow the days of pain to bring down my spirit. Accepting it simply means that I'm all in.
- I will no longer apologize for requesting an item on a menu be changed to accommodate my needs.
- I will no longer fear food and the damage it can cause.
- I will no longer avoid situations that could cause more fear or pain.
- I will no longer blame myself for my condition.
- I will no longer fear the pain that will at some point come anyway.
Acceptance to me is embracing my condition. Sure, I have adjusted well so far and that will not change. My accepting my condition will help me in dealing with my emotions during bad days and realizing that good days will come no matter how bad it gets.
Since that night I feel that I have embraced my condition on a much deeper level. My life will never go back to the way it was and a part of me is in mourning for that person. But still life goes on and now I will become the new person I was meant to be.
#AcceptanceAndAdjustment
#AlwaysKeepFighting
#YouAreNotAlone
#WeGotThis
