Moving over to YouTube!

     So I have some good news and I am betting you can guess what it is. 

     That's right - I am moving my blog into YouTube videos and have started a channel specifically about my journey and our condition. There are many reasons while I decided to do YouTube and in the first video I posted today I go over some of them. 
     I have loved using this format and it has helped me so much but it is time to move. I also came up with the name My IC Fighters, as that is what we are, Fighters. 
  

     My channel name is My IC Fighters and the first video is available right now to view using the following link: 

     https://youtu.be/UOdnO_t8yZ4

     Please head over like, subscribe and hit that like button so we can create great memories together and have more awareness of our condition. We got this! 

     Always keep fighting
    You are not alone 

     Alison 

Vegetables and IC!

     With my new outlook on life fresh on my mind, I had to reevaluate a few things. What I eat is a major one both my health and also my condition. 
     The main problem with our condition is that no two people experience it the exact same way so there is not a list of 100% safe items that will work for everyone. I found the following website: 

https://www.ichelp.org/living-with-ic/interstitial-cystitis-and-diet/elimination-diet/ic-friendly-fruits-and-vegetables/

    This website gives some great insight into what food to try and what may work for people with IC. But as I said no two people are the same. However, I do think that most people are able to eat one thing the same and from what I can gather its potatoes. 
     Now I am a huge fan of potatoes. In fact, I really love them.  In any way, I can get my hands on them whether they are fried, roasted, mashed or of the sweet variety. And as I am trying to eat healthier, potatoes are the last thing on my to eat list. However, I feel this causes a problem for me as I also use potatoes for suffering days. 
     When each person has a flare up, really bad or not, we immediately try to do whatever we can to make the pain go away. Take medicine, drink so much water our stomachs may very well implode and in my case eating lots and lots of potatoes and if I have any left, cucumbers. 
      I am not one to shy away from harsh truths and I admit fully that there have been occasions when my flare up was getting to me and I eat an entire plate full of mash potato for dinner. Every time I felt relief pretty quickly, not to mention it helps settle my stomach after taking my gross tasting medicine. 
       But now I run into this problem of trying to healthier. 
       What can I do to ensure that during a bad flare up I do not resort to eating a plate full of potato?
       Will just eating my cucumbers be enough to help the flare up?
       So needless to say I needed to work on a plan, not only for my fitness and trying to be healthier but also what foods I can turn too if such a situation should arise. 
        
       Here is the plan: 

• Ensure extra green vegetables are available on hand just in case. 
• If potatoes are purchased I will ensure that should such an occasion arise I will prepare only one at a time, to be served with a huge pile of said 'other' vegetables.
• Avoid all chocolate and candy, even though Halloween is right around the corner. 
• Focus on what food is good for me and my condition. No more excuses. No more pain. No more exceptions.
• Increase my exercise, by a million percent, since right now I am very much a homebody hobbit. 

      I understand that my start over is not a switch I just pull or a whiteboard I can scrub clean so this process will probably take time. Working out does not immediately give a six pack and skinny legs. It will take work, dedication, and support. 

       If you do not have the support for yourself, consider me on your team. We can do this. We deserve this. We will become healthier and happier people because of this. 

       Always keep fighting team. 

     

      Alison 

Starting Over with IC - Phase One Create a Plan!

                  I know the title of this entry could be a little confusing but I promise it will not be in the end. Basically, I have reached the point we all try to avoid and fear with a dread that sometimes makes it impossible to face the day. 
                Rock bottom. 
                Now nothing hugely dramatic has happened for me to come to this place. My husband, children, pets, families, possessions etc are all great. It is myself who is not. I mentioned in a previous post about some personal issues I have been dealing with over the past few months and after my recent trip, I decided I was going to make a change. 
                A lifestyle change if you will. 
                In the Twilight Saga, there is a character called Jacob, who undergoes a dramatic transformation over the course of the books. Both from teen to adult, but also physically into a ripped mountain of a fellow. 
                Now clearly I will not reach his level, considering I'm somewhere in the neighborhood of between 5 ft 3 and 5 ft 4 tall, however, I feel it is that time in my life where a change needs to made and not just for my conditions sake. 
                My name is Alison and I am addicted to sugar. Today I weighed myself and discovered that I weigh more than I ever have before. 
                Seeing that number, knowing my mental state the past few months and remembering my decision to make a change today is the day. I'm going to do something I never thought I would do...post my weight/measurements online for all to see. So here goes....
   
            Day One - October 2nd, 2017

            Weight - 213 lbs (just over 15 stone for my English fans...YIKES!!)
            Measurements:

• Bust: 45 in
• Chest: 40 in 
• Waist: 41 in
• Hips: 47 in
• Midway: 44 in
• Thighs: 27 in
• Knees: 19.5 in
• Calves: 18 in 
• Upper arm: 14 in 
• Forearms: 12 in 

          For my height, let's be generous and say I am 5 ft 4, I should be in the ideal weight range of around 110 to 145 lbs. Personally, I would settle for anything around 150 or 160 since I have a bigger frame but due to the sheer number of pounds to lose, and hopefully plenty of inches, I will take what I can get. 

           My main goal in this personal challenge is really just to be healthier. A lot healthier. Eating better, exercising as much as I can and finding a better quality of life for myself and in turn my family. I feel doing this challenge for myself will help my condition quite a lot since I really have put it thru the ringer the past few weeks....okay, months. 

          I'm wiping the slate clean and starting a new. 

          If you feel the need or just want to see what I am eating to help with this, please let me know in the comments. I may include pictures of working out and/or meals I have to help my fellow IC sufferers anyway. I am hoping to update my progress every week, but you all know how crazy life can get. 

          Always keep fighting and remember you are not alone. 

          Alison 

          #alwayskeepfighting

          #youareenough

          #youarenotalone

Depression and IC!

                  Mental illness runs in my family so I am very familiar with the symptoms. Over the course of my thirty-six years, I can honestly say I have faced many challenges including thoughts of suicide and depression. Having a condition, such as IC, definitely adds to the battle for me personally.
                 Before I was diagnosed with IC I experienced many mental health issues, I just did not know what to call them at the time. Depression was there and amplified by having children and the postpartum that comes along with it. 
                  That being said I learned how to control my emotions for the most part and anytime it got too much I would simply eat my way through several cakes or anything with a high sugar content. Mostly chocolate as it was a quick fix and did the job perfectly for me. 
                  Now enter my condition. 
                  A condition where one of the biggest problems would be eating chocolate of any kind. Even any high concentrated amount of sugar would trigger me at this point. My once comforter is now a guaranteed promise of pain and misery, possibly more so than the emotions I am trying to deal with and failing. 
                 
                  I admit it. Today/this evening I felt the need for junk food. And not just any junk food. Chocolate. The one thing I've done so well in the past few years, but then tripped up on during the last few months. 
                   Today was a blast from the past. I devoured bar after bar without a second thought. It was only when I began to feel sick from the amount that I stopped. Clearly, my condition is not the only part of me that is not used to dealing with this much chocolate anymore. 
                    Honestly, I did not feel in the least bit guilty about what I had done, but I did have a little regret. The regret came once nausea set in as I knew the mass amount of pain my body would endure because of it. 
                     It is a strange cycle to go on: 

                  Emotions + Chocolate + Overeating = Condition flare
                  Condition flare = Emotions and the cycle starts over. 

                  I feel as if any condition that is chronic and never goes away adds to the feelings of being broken and alone, which in turn fuels the fire of depression when it raises its ugly head. It is hard for me to admit but I still struggle, almost daily with depression and even thoughts of suicide or abandonment. 
                  The only thing I can say to maybe help someone hold on to life as I do is find your anchor to this world. Usually, it is my family, husband, and kids but the past few months I needed something else. 
                  I am a huge Twilight fan, also known as a TwiHard, and last year I had the great opportunity to go to Forks, Washington where things in the books/movie take place. It was a an amazing experience and I decided to go again this year. Forever Twilight in Forks is the event name. 
                  Over the past few months, as my depression came and went, I focused on this trip. This trip was the reason I needed to hold onto. It became my anchor. No matter how bad my thoughts got I just kept focusing on the trip. Making arrangements in my head, instead of the voices screaming at me about my failures. 
                  Even on the trip itself, I struggled to engage in some events, but I pushed myself to go, smile, interact with other people and take pictures of things. Pictures of everything. I know in the months to come if I am feeling down I can look back on those pictures with a genuine smile and my anchor will still help pull me back. 

                   I honestly feel that this trip helped save my life this year, though not many people know it did, as I smiled and played the part as I always do. I admit writing this blog entry is hard but I feel a slight lifting from me as talking about it is making it better a little. 

                   Find your anchor. Whatever it may be and grab hold. Grab it as tightly as you can as it may be the difference between life and death. Do not let your depression get the better of you. You are not alone. You are loved. You are enough. 
                    Remember that and I will try to do the same. 

                   #alwayskeepfighting
                   #youarenotalone
                   #youareenough

                   Alison 

Changes Made All The More Terrifying With IC!

               In this life only a few things are certain and Change is the top of the list. Life never stays on a steady, well-traveled path and is always curving, switching and flipping in every direction. The first time I saw a spaghetti junction was about 15 years ago and I could not help but chuckle to myself. That was how my brain would look if everyone could see it. 
               Now that I am older I have discovered that most people think the same and it is usually because something in their life is changing. Could be something terrible? Could be something amazing? Only the person it is happening to can say for sure, but we all go through it. 
               Since my condition was discovered I also found that anytime changes happen in my life, planned or ones from chaos, I have a few thoughts that run my mind: 
               1) Okay, there's going to be a change in my life. (Recognition)
               2) Is it going to be a good or bad thing? (Conscious Choice)
               3) How will it affect my condition? 

               Every single person on the planet who experiences change goes through the first two. Everyone. The time frame for each person may be different but they go through it. 
               The third option is just for people with a condition, any condition, that affects their everyday life. 
                When change happens people with any condition that affects the way they live, go through a terrifying step that I call the What If stage. We run through how we deal with our condition and think of every possible thing that can go wrong, with this new change, to make our condition a negative again. 
                 If like me you have worked on your condition for years and finally getting it to a point where you have it 90% plus under control to suddenly have to reevaluate it again makes you, a little crazy, a little mad but mostly, for me at least, I get an overwhelming sense of fear. This is usually where the what if part comes into it. 
                  What if this change makes my condition worse?
                  What if this change makes it better, then worse?
                  What if this change affects how I deal with my condition?
                  What if this change makes it so I need to change more things?

                  You get the idea. Automatically we seem to focus on the negative impact any change will have on our lives normally and having a condition like ours that relies on certain things can cause massive waves in the way we think and approach it. 
                    Honestly, with a condition like ours anytime any change that is made will probably have bigger consequences than just the actual change itself. It may very well affect how you take care of the condition and you may have to rethink other things as well. 
                    But change happens to everyone. And I mean EVERYONE! 
                    The only thing we need to worry about is how we deal with it. You know more about your condition than anyone else and you know what you need to do to make it better. Whatever the change that has occurred in your life you will find a way. 
                     You Will Find A Way! 
                     Did you hear me?  You Will Find A Way!
                     Even if it has taken you years to cope with this condition, you have figured out what works and any change that happens, that probably will happen, is simply an adjustment. Like when you have braces and they need to be changed as you move closer to your straight smile goal. At first, it is painful, but after a while, you adjust. You can do it and know you are never alone. We are in the same boat as you. We can do this.
                       And you never know maybe the change will be the best thing that could ever have happened.  :)

                       #alwayskeepfighting
                       #youareneveralone
                       #youwillfindaway

When Low Points Are Normal!

               Admit it to yourself. 
              Go on I can wait. 
              Okay, so if you are still reading you have admitted that you agree with the title of this blog. 
              The time comes in every condition that is pain related when you reach low points. It is inevitable. The pain gets too much. The pressure to keep up appearances. The ignorance of others. The constant controlling of everything. The fact that though your life has changed in a huge way, the world continues to tick as if it is the same. 
              Whatever it is that sets off the trigger it does not matter. The fact is we all hit them. A low point. In whatever form it takes there it is. Your low point. You convince yourself that its okay everyone has a low point and push on. Things are going great maybe for a few days, weeks or months, but then it happens again. 
              Another low point. And before you know it another low point. 
             Before you know it, you cannot remember the last good day and you seem to be counting more low points than even normal ones. You go through the process I like to call the IC 8 Steps To Recovery. 
             Realization - Notice the amount of low points. 
             Confusion - How did it get this way? 
             Denial - No it cannot be that long since a good day. 
             Anger - I thought things were supposed to get better. I'll make them better. 
             Sadness - How can this be? Why can't things get better? (I call this the pity party step)
             (Anger and Sadness can interchange many times before you reach the next step)
             Loneliness - No one knows how this feels. I'm all alone.
*******This is usually when most people go thru pretty much every emotion*****
             Finally the upside: 
             Acceptance - Okay its true. Its really been that many days. 
            Determination - This does not make the days instantly get better but this is where people are made or broken. For now let's focus on this one. 

             Determination is described as the follow: 

• The act of coming to a decision or of fixing or settling a purpose. 
• Ascertainment, as after observation or investigation.
• The information ascertained; solution.
• The settlement of a dispute, question, etc., as byauthoritative decision.
• The decision or settlement arrived at or pronounced.
• .The quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose.

     I personally like the last one: The quality of being resolute, firmness of purpose. I like the idea that it means we have firmness of purpose. When we reach one of the low points we need something as strong as a purpose to keep going. It could be something small, like a smile from a stranger to show that they see you or something more significant like a loved one. 

      For me its really depends on how deep my low point has gone. If i am just skimming the top then a simple rain fall and dancing in the rain with the kids will help lift me out. Other times I feel like Alice in Wonderland who got too close to the edge and fell in deeper than she ever thought possible.  Those low points are something else entirely. 

      One of my lowest IC points came about a month or so ago. I had to make an emergency trip to my hometown for a funeral, already a big mess. I was to be the band aid for the person with a giant hole in their heart where the loved used to be.  

       How can anyone even begin to do something like that? 

       What could I really say to make a pain like that go away? 

       Honestly, I just did the best I could. The trouble for me started when I returned. I miss my family a lot, more than I usually care to admit, and I missed my husband and children while I was there.  

        Flying home I realized a few things, mostly that the entire time I had been home I had been playing the part of band aid. Smiling, laughing, making jokes and trying to make everyone else feel better. Its what I do. But on the plane I thought back to when I had cried my own tears of sadness for the loss to our family and I came up blank. 

        I had focused so much what I had to do that I forgot about my own grief and when I returned I did what I do best. I buried it. Once I am home I have other responsibilities and grieving for a family member I did not know extremely well was not one of them. 

        Long story short I did not know how far into the rabbit hole I had fallen until the old me emerged, I like to call her self sabotage. She usually stays buried but every so often she raises her ugly head and I begin a downward spiral of despair that leads me to cause my own husband and kids grief. 

        I did not know honestly where the hole was I even fell down but I knew instantly I would never make it out alone. There was no way. I had no choice but to get on my knees and pray. 

        Yes, I said pray. 

        I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka Mormon, and proud to be. I am not saying that religion is for everyone but in that moment, as well as many before and I am certain more to come in the future, it was my saving grace. 

        By this low point I had wedged between all other relationships and he was simply the last one. I knew it could not do anything alone and he would help me, even though I am not even close to being the church member I wish I was. 

        Now saying this I am not saying he automatically fixed everything and I lived happily ever after or that everyone would feel the same way. You need to find your own saving grace. In whatever form it takes. We are all different and as such need different things. Grab hold onto anything. Anything at all that will keep you in the fight and keep you in the game. 

        I am the biggest supporter of any cause that is Suicide Prevention so I will always, always find a way to hang out. And I want anyone reading this to do the same. I do not care about your past or what you are dealing with, I care that you have a future. 

        No matter how far down the rabbit hole goes there is ALWAYS a way. 

        Though I do not know you. I am with you. I care. Always keep fighting. 

         Alison :) 

         #Alwayskeepfighting

         #Wegotthis

         #Neveralone

       

             

Long Over Due Update!

Says it all I think. 

           Firstly let me apologize for the lack of updates. The only thing I can say in my defense is life sometimes just gets in the way. 
           Since I last updated the blog a few things have happened. In this one I'll just get down to the biggest one. My 2nd year anniversary of being diagnosed. 
           Looking back at the post I made when this all started makes me both sad but also incredibly thankful. Over the last few years I have learned so much about myself, those around me and also the food industry as a whole.  
            I think the biggest thing I have found during this time is my voice. I finally discovered that I can speak up for things that I need and want. Family and friends have described me as many things but outspoken was not usually one of them. I would usually just go with the flow regardless of how I felt about things. 
            Now I would not say that I have grown to disagree with people to just disagree. I am still in the learning process of growing to stand up for myself and make sure my opinion is heard. 
            This has played a huge role in my condition as I need help. Not with everyday tasks or anything quite so dramatic, but when ordering food at a restaurant, of any kind, I have had to learn how to get what I need by speaking up. 
             To most people this would probably be a no brainier, yet for me is has been a huge step. Over everything else I have experienced over these years that would have to be the big one. 
              The smaller things would be things like what food I still love regardless of restrictions, how far I am willing to push myself to get the sugar I want and also I am a complete addict to food, not just sugar. 
             In a nutshell I seem to have adjusted completely and it took about a year and half to do so. So if you are just starting this journey keep going. I promise the time goes faster than you think and you will adjust to your new life faster than you think. 
             You got this. 
    
             #Alwayskeepfighting 
             #Neveralone
             #Wegotthis

             Alison :)