Friday, October 23, 2015
When Life Throws You a Curve Ball!
Living with a condition like IC feels, in a way, like playing a game of baseball. (Bare with me as I know very little about the sport as I am from England) Curve balls, I am told, are one of the ways the pitcher can throw the ball. Well, days like today feel as though its a good description. You never know what the day will bring and if your body will be nice to you or give you ridiculous amounts of pain.
I do not mind telling you that today my body opted for the second one. Though I can not complain. The days where I need medicine are starting to be fewer and further apart thanks to my life adjustments. I really feel sorry for those people with this condition who can not go a day without having to take something for it.
For them the baseball game is one where they can never get to a base. Always seemingly stuck at the Home plate and never being able to make contact with the ball. In many ways people like me, who can adjust it with lifestyle changes have an advantage. We already start out with the innings in our favor.
That being said the pitcher can throw at us whatever they feel like so even though each day is a surprise we have the foreknowledge that with another adjustment or medicine it will go away.
Today I deal with the pain as I always do. I eat things that are high in alkaline (the opposite of acid), such as cucumbers, drink a ton of water, around 92 ounces, and if the pain continues I take some medicine. I try to remember that this is not the worst my pain has been and even though it will not be the last time I am in pain, it will get better.
I try my hardest not to let my emotions/negative feelings take over as its a slippery slope for me. I listen to music that is upbeat, I try to move around the house/clean as I would normally, except maybe a little slower and I watch TV shows/movies that take me away from the reality and help me focus on something else.
I have said it many times before and I will say it again..We can do this. There is always a choice on how we deal with the situation and I choose to not let it get me down.
In every sport, not just baseball, there are winners and losers. It is up to the losers on how they handle each loss. Have a few moments to wallow and curse the universe...but then deep breathes and take on the day. We can not change our condition and it will never leave us, but we can not let it hold us back from life. Sure today I will not be able to chase the kids and dogs around or move as fast as I usually do, but there are other people out there who have less good days than me.
I am not a quitter. I am a fighter. Join me in the fight. You can do it.
#AlwaysKeepFighting
ichelp.org
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Invisible to the eye, not the rest of me!
So True! |
The other day a close friend said to me, "Oh that's right. You still have your thing eh?" She was referring to my unseen condition Interstitial Cystitis. It was said in such a way that I felt a range of emotions.
Disbelief - Didn't I mention I'll have it forever?
Upset - Do they think I make up flare ups?
Anger - Do they pay attention at all?
Hurt - Do they not remember the daily struggles I tell them about?
Almost as quickly as I felt each emotion I thought of something else. Yes, you told them it will be with you forever. No, they do not think you make up the flare ups. Yes, they care. Of course they care. And sure, maybe it will slip their minds on occasion.
But why?
Because they do not deal with your own daily struggles. You may tell them about some of them, but they have their own daily things to worry about. They do not feel the pain of a flare up, even the little ones. They do not see the hours of food shopping and meal prepping you have to do. They do not see how just hearing words like take out or delivery causes your pulse to race as the fear of pain grips you tightly.
Sure, they hear the odd compliant about take out and that random moment during a particular flare up where you can not keep the pain from crossing your facial expression. Since they do not see it or feel it the way you do, they do not understand.
Over the course of the last few weeks I have noticed that around my husband and children, even close friends I hide most of my pain and emotions.
Honestly people who complain all the time are no fun to be around. So why would i want to be that person?
As bad as it sounds I really think that after so much time has passed it becomes less of a big deal to others. Mostly due to them not seeing or feeling what we deal with every single day. But also its 'old' news. Its like a broken records we can not turn off, but somehow others found the headphones and can ignore it if they want too. Now I do not think people do this on purpose its just human nature.
I would give anything to be able to forget about my condition, even if its only for an hour or two. Sadly, wishful thinking does not help.
Okay smarty pants. You say. What does help? Two things help me.
- My faith in my Heavenly Father.
- An annoyingly positive attitude.
I think having my faith speaks for itself. I am not ashamed to say that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. LDS for short. Everything happens for a reason and even when I can not see it in the moment I know trials make me stronger, preparing me for better things to come.
Now having a positive attitude is one thing. Having an annoyingly positive attitude is another. I heard a phrase once that said smile even in your darkness moment and keep it until you feel it. On days when I am emotional or sad or depressed I become the most annoyingly positive person. I make jokes, laugh and try my best to smile as big as I can. Eventually it sticks and the moment passes.
So I leave you with this advice:
- Smile - no matter what
- Laugh - at everything
- Cry - short bursts. I try not to give in completely but small controlled outbursts should be okay.
- Love - someone, a pet, yourself. Have love in your life in some way, so in your darkness moments you have something/someone to hold onto.
#Alwayskeepfighting
Frustration with IC!
My favorite cooking TV show. |
I mean come on, a guy who freaks out when they do something simple wrong while he is trying to make them better chefs. Not to mention the prizes at the end of each season. Yes, I know how the shows really work once they end but I like the naive idea that happily ever after occurs for each person.
I could list a thousand of the shows I watch now that have similar concepts, yet my newest favorite show in this category is called Worse Cooks in America. Basically two chefs that are world known select 14 people from the worst cooks around to compete for $25,000. The chefs divide the group into two teams, red and blue, for a sort of cook off at the end showing their new skills. I love it. It not only shows me recipes I can try for my family but basic cooking skills that I have yet to learn.
Now you may be wondering where is the frustration you promised....right here. The problem with loving cooking and cooking shows now that I have this condition is I know without question I could never be a part of a show like these. The likelihood of actually going on this type of show is already slim, I know that, yet the overwhelming idea that I could not apply to be ever sank in yesterday as I watched a rather funny episode.
There was chaos in the kitchen on the show.
People dropping things, setting fire to things, burning things...the list goes on. Then came my realization as the chef focused in on one particular person and yelled really loudly.
"Taste! Taste! Taste!"
With those three words my heart just sank. One of the first things I learned watching Hell's Kitchen is that you can not make great food unless you taste it. You have to taste everything. If you do not taste you can not tell how much seasoning to add and your food can end up too salty, too sweet, too spicy..well, you get the idea.
Since I got diagnosed with my condition I have not tasted any food I have made for my husband or kids. I have been eye balling it as they would say. My husband is great as giving good advice and as yet has not stated my seasoning is bad. Of course 13 years of marriage also gives me great insight as to what he likes and what he does not.
That being said on the TV shows if you do not taste your food, you do not stand any chance of making it very far. So my heart sank and my frustration arose.
Honestly as the realization hit me it was almost like I was back to day one of my journey:
Why me?
I can't handle this...Can I?
Can't someone else deal with this?
How can I cook anything now?
Can I eat anything good now?
Am I doomed to eat nothing but plain crap my entire life?
I admit I started to wallow.
Cooking shows are amazing and even though I am not very good at cooking I love to try. And I love to bake. I make English Cheese Scones all the time and my kids, the hubby and I all love them. I love to make cookies and muffins and cupcakes. It felt like a part of me got ripped away. Then I remembered something.
April 22nd.
April 22nd was when I found out about my condition and made my first blog post. April 22nd was the day my entire life changed and that was almost 6 months ago.
6 months.
And though I would love to say I've eaten take out/delivery everyday in that time frame I know its not true...although I know it has been a good few days.
I have been cooking food that I like and surviving for 6 whole months. Clearly my 'bladder' friendly food list is a lot shorter than what I used to eat but I was never one for spicy food anyway. Thinking about it I realized that before my food tended to be a little bland, and even though I could not just use whatever I did before I had new options that I had never tried before.
- Cumin
- Chives
- Caraway
- Carob
- Anise
- Allspice
Admittedly some of these I have heard of before I have just never tried them in a recipe or even know what they are used for.
After wallowing and my realizations it came to me that I can handle this. I need to look at it like Gordan Ramsey (and the other chefs) are giving me a challenge. You must create a weekly menu for you and your family using the following ingredients. And since they are all bladder friendly you can taste it and make sure its yummy.
Challenge accepted!
#Alwayskeepfighting
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