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| So True! |
The other day a close friend said to me, "Oh that's right. You still have your thing eh?" She was referring to my unseen condition Interstitial Cystitis. It was said in such a way that I felt a range of emotions.
Disbelief - Didn't I mention I'll have it forever?
Upset - Do they think I make up flare ups?
Anger - Do they pay attention at all?
Hurt - Do they not remember the daily struggles I tell them about?
Almost as quickly as I felt each emotion I thought of something else. Yes, you told them it will be with you forever. No, they do not think you make up the flare ups. Yes, they care. Of course they care. And sure, maybe it will slip their minds on occasion.
But why?
Because they do not deal with your own daily struggles. You may tell them about some of them, but they have their own daily things to worry about. They do not feel the pain of a flare up, even the little ones. They do not see the hours of food shopping and meal prepping you have to do. They do not see how just hearing words like take out or delivery causes your pulse to race as the fear of pain grips you tightly.
Sure, they hear the odd compliant about take out and that random moment during a particular flare up where you can not keep the pain from crossing your facial expression. Since they do not see it or feel it the way you do, they do not understand.
Over the course of the last few weeks I have noticed that around my husband and children, even close friends I hide most of my pain and emotions.
Honestly people who complain all the time are no fun to be around. So why would i want to be that person?
As bad as it sounds I really think that after so much time has passed it becomes less of a big deal to others. Mostly due to them not seeing or feeling what we deal with every single day. But also its 'old' news. Its like a broken records we can not turn off, but somehow others found the headphones and can ignore it if they want too. Now I do not think people do this on purpose its just human nature.
I would give anything to be able to forget about my condition, even if its only for an hour or two. Sadly, wishful thinking does not help.
Okay smarty pants. You say. What does help? Two things help me.
- My faith in my Heavenly Father.
- An annoyingly positive attitude.
I think having my faith speaks for itself. I am not ashamed to say that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. LDS for short. Everything happens for a reason and even when I can not see it in the moment I know trials make me stronger, preparing me for better things to come.
Now having a positive attitude is one thing. Having an annoyingly positive attitude is another. I heard a phrase once that said smile even in your darkness moment and keep it until you feel it. On days when I am emotional or sad or depressed I become the most annoyingly positive person. I make jokes, laugh and try my best to smile as big as I can. Eventually it sticks and the moment passes.
So I leave you with this advice:
- Smile - no matter what
- Laugh - at everything
- Cry - short bursts. I try not to give in completely but small controlled outbursts should be okay.
- Love - someone, a pet, yourself. Have love in your life in some way, so in your darkness moments you have something/someone to hold onto.
#Alwayskeepfighting
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